My friends recently bought an apartment of which the previous owner was brutally murdered in the living room a few years ago. The apartment had been vacant since the murder but they bought it, including blood spatter left on the ceiling and all. They fully renovated the place and I was just invited for lunch. I must admit: it’ll be a bit of a challenge for me to sit and eat on the exact spot where I know someone lost their life even though there is no visible evidence of it left.
I have a ‘thing’ with energy, always have. I believe we all have this but some people seem to be more aware of it (and affected by it) than others. Can you walk into a restaurant and sit at any place at any table and feel comfortable? For me this is a bit of a thing. Not that I can’t sit and eat a meal at any given table, of course I can, but there are definitely spaces that I prefer over others. In a restaurant I always look for the most quiet space, preferably against a wall. It’s difficult to explain exactly why but it has something to do with feeling safe.
And then there is my home. I’m incredibly particular with not only the things I have in my house but also their placement. For me it can make a world of difference the way a desk is placed in a room for example. It seriously can make the difference between whether I can write and be creative there or not. But it’s also about the small stuff. I feel a bit ashamed to write this but you can seriously see me turning fridge magnets in my kitchen or stacking books in a certain way in my living room. I try my best to keep all of this to myself but I fail miserably a lot of times. My husband and teenagers can find me so annoying at times and I totally understand why! This is not so much about feeling safe but more about feeling flow inside me. Somehow I feel connected to things and their energy, and this can easily feel ‘right or ‘wrong’ even though I can’t explain it with words.
When I reflect upon it I notice that I actively try to surround myself with stuff that either makes me feel good or I find beautiful to look at. For example I recently bought a pink bicycle because I love the color pink. I also added a Captain America-keychain to my keys because my teenager introduced me to the magic of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and I love this little reminder in my day-to-day about our cozy time spent on the couch watching Marvel movies.
Of course it’s not just objects that define the energy in a room, it’s also the people and their energy. Also here some people seem to notice and get affected by this more than others. I belong to the category of people who is extremely sensitive to energy from other human beings (as well as animals and nature). Somehow I can feel a certain vibration around a person which, if I don’t live in awareness, easily affects me.
This is why boundaries are so crucial. I have learned that the awareness and respecting of my own boundaries is extremely important for my wellbeing. If I don’t respect my own boundaries, the energy of another person can easily become part of my own energy. Enmeshment, this is called, and it’s quite unhealthy so I actively work every day with my boundaries in order to stay in my own energy.
You might think that boundary-setting is about saying no to things or people. Like saying no to a dinner invitation because I feel I need to be alone for example. But boundaries are also about saying yes. Like saying I want to drink the same soda as my friend at a table for example.
A while ago I wrote down a definition of a boundary which I really liked but I don’t remember the source of it. It goes:
A boundary is the imaginary line that uniquely defines your personal happiness, feelings, thoughts, integrity, desires, needs and therefore most importantly, your personal truth from the rest of the universe.
So once again it circles back to living one’s truth. Authenticity. Awareness. It’s different for every one of us! My truth is that the energy in a room matters to me, a great deal. Would I ever buy a house if I knew someone was murdered there? Probably not. I believe it would be difficult for me to live my daily life in a space where I knew something horrible like that had happened. Will I go and eat lunch at my friends’ place and enjoy myself? Yes. Because they will be in that room with me, and I love their energy.
Photo: Phil – unsplash.com