After years of what feels a bit like climbing a mountain I have now reached a point in my life where things have slowed down for real. I have consciously cut away a lot of noise in my life by quitting my job and moving with my family to a little village by the sea in Spain. And after the first few months where everything was new I now have come to a point where I can feel my whole being having slowed down. I have slept enough so I’m not so tired anymore and I have moved my body enough so I feel more energy. My family and I have established a routine here in Spain for all things practical such as shopping, school, cleaning and cooking.
So now what?
I see and feel clearly that I can move. Pretty much in any direction I wish. How privileged am I? The depth of my privilege in life is mindblowing to me. I am very well aware of how unique and precious this time in my life is, how grateful I am to be healthy and I am determined to make the most of it. But do I really have to do something, I wonder?
Mark Nepo quotes Mechthild of Magdeburg (a medieval mystic) in his Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have:
A fish cannot drown in water. A bird does not fall in air. Each creature (…) must live in its own true nature.
I love it when writers use nature and its’ course as examples for how we are living our lives. Somehow it feels right because I believe that we are all part of an infinite, breathing, living universe. Plants and trees, flowers and animals, oceans and people alike.
As he continues:
Part of the blessing and challenge of being human is that we must discover our own true (…) nature. This is not some noble, abstract quest but an inner necessity. (…) Since human beings are the only life form that can drown and still go to work, the only species that can fall from the sky and still fold laundry, it is imperative that we find that vital element that brings us alive.
I agree with this being a necessity, to live in my true nature and find my purpose in life. So the question becomes: how do I intend to go about it? What comes to me is a combination of doing and non-doing. This is how I see it:
Doing. I once read in a magazine: We have to understand that the act of pursuing our dreams and being our full selves is what allows us to feel alive. I truly believe that taking action and actively doing something will draw me closer to my purpose. Staying on my couch watching endless TV series will not get me anywhere, I will have to dare to take new steps and trust my intuition to know when it’s time to course-correct. If I am aware and listen to my body’s signals, I know I can take action in any direction that feels right for me. The most tricky part for me with this doing though, is to keep on recognizing Lennart and not mistake him for my true intuition.
Non-doing. As you can read in my previous blog post About meditation, I think that meditating is a great way to be aware of what’s going on around me and inside me and reconnect with my true self. It reminds me that I don’t always have to take action and look for anything because all I think I am looking for is already inside me.
So in the end, I don’t believe that sitting on a mountain top meditating all day will fulfill me. I don’t either believe that taking action and being busy all the time will work for me. So that’s why for me, the flow of doing and non-doing seems just right. Like a flower that blooms, rests, and blooms again…
To be continued!
Photo: Jongjit Pramchom – unsplash.com