In just a few days I’m moving back home and to be honest, a part of me is pretty scared about this. As wonderful as it will be to sleep in my own bed (Tempur rules!) and use my quality kitchen tools (bad knives are the worst!), there is a part of me that really does not want to return. Apart from some obvious, mostly weather-related, differences between Spain and Sweden there also is something deeper at play here. I have thought about this for a while now and here is what I feel is going on at the moment.
I am scared that my life will be the same again as it was before I moved to Spain. I really felt as if I was stuck in a box that became to small. In the end it felt like I could hardly move or breathe anymore. I was really tired and even though I knew there was a lot of power inside me, I had difficulty accessing it. What scares me is going back to Sweden and ending up in the same situation: working too much and losing energy because I feel I’m not at my right place and living in a pace that isn’t mine.
There is a saying that goes:
Everything worth doing starts with being scared
I have learned that if I’m feeling anxious or scared about something, it’s a sign that this particular thing is really important to me. And that is also a nice thing! Because then I can challenge myself and grow as a human being. It’s just not our immediate reaction I think, to do something that scares us in life, because it feels a bit like jumping off a cliff. Most of the time it feels much nicer and safer to stay inside our comfort zones, right?
When I quit my job last year and decided to move to Spain, I took a huge step outside my comfort zone and jumped. And then while living here I took some more steps, such as publishing this blog for example. And now the time has come for me to jump again: to move back to Sweden and build myself a different life. A life where I allow myself to live in my own pace and according to what feels right for me. So quite simply: continue living my truth.
How that will work for me? Keep an eye on this blog and I’ll keep you updated! Thanks for reading ♥
Photo: Otto Norin – unsplash.com