Life of a Long-Hauler

Life of a Long-Hauler

The last day I wore jeans or a bra was the 12th of March.
It’s official: I have become braless yoga pant-woman.

On my walk the other day I was passed by two people in the park behind my house because apparently they felt I was walking too slowly. The noticeable thing about this? They were both using a walker.
Ouch.

I have not cooked a meal in 112 days. My husband deserves a medal for doing all the cooking as well as grocery shopping and generally fixing everything in the house and garden while at the same time working a (more than) fulltime job.
Thank you, I love you!

For the past 16 weeks, I have met four people in total (apart from my husband and kids). I feel like I’ve forgotten how to be social.
This is a very weird feeling.

Between mid-March and today I have seen a total of 235 episodes of different TV series as well as some movies and documentaries. There is an actual, what seems to be irreparable, dent in the cushion on our couch now.
Very grateful to live in the era of streaming services!

I have only read two books in this period basically because my brain couldn’t concentrate well enough to digest large amounts of text.
My time will come again (I love Love LOVE reading books).

I have spoken to very few people on the phone – partly because it takes energy and partly because I find it difficult to speak about how I’m feeling (which is so weird because obviously I have no such troubles when it comes to writing about it).
If you’re one of the people whom I’ve not responded to for the past months – please know it’s nothing personal.

This morning, my son saw the amount of supplements I take every day and said: surely this must be for AT LEAST two people??
I see his point.

I have not eaten refined sugar for the past 4 weeks, however I have almost eaten my way through a 2kg. bag of blueberries.
I miss chocolate!

The total amount of words I have written about having covid-19 until now (this post not included) is 12.204.
It could be the start of a book?!

The symptoms my body has experienced so far are severe difficulty to breathe, Corona Brain (brain fog), fever-feelings without having an actual fever, coughing, chest pain, lung pain, diarrhea, tachycardia (rapid heartbeat), loss of weight, nosebleeds, hair loss, SOB (shortness of breath), tingling in arms and legs, extreme fatigue as well as general tiredness. I have understood by reading stories from other long-haulers (let me remind you: none of us has been admitted to a hospital) that it can be considerably worse than the above also, so in a way I can count myself lucky.

It feels absurd almost, what my life looks like today and has looked like for a crazy long amount of time now. I feel like I have forgotten what normal living looks like! But I realize: there are people who are living their entire lives like this. People who have ME for example, or another health condition that permanently affects their way of living. For them, this IS normal living. It is not temporary but permanent. This experience is giving me a newfound and intimate, however small, peak into what their lives can be like.

Even though no one knows for sure, much evidence (and also how my body feels today) still points to the fact that I will be healthy again at some point in time, that it just takes a very long time for my body to regain its balance again. But, as I wrote, other people are dealing with permanent conditions. I have a deep, deep respect for every person who isn’t as fortunate as me and who is dealing with a health situation from which they will most likely not recover, ever.

All of the crazy stuff above I can deal with, and will deal with, for as long as it takes to get well again. And if at some point in the future I would ever feel that I’m forgetting what a privilege it is to be fully healthy, I will have this post and the rest of my Corona Chronicles as a clear reminder.

Oh, and by the way: the jeans I will wear again, but the bra?! Seriously people, what an amazing feeling it is to be braless! I doubt I will re-introduce bras to my wardrobe ever again…

Photo: Christina Deravedisian – unsplash.com

This writing is part of what I call my Corona Chronicles. On this page you can find an overview of my stories, including tips and insights I have gained throughout the weeks since I got covid-19.


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4 Comments
  1. I cried when I read this. I’m week 13 and I feel like I’ve lost me. Does that make sense? I’m a fit, 48 year old woman who is a teacher. I suppose I caught this from school as we were not given any PPE. I’m suffering from chest pain, breathlessness and exhaustion. It’s relentless. Thank you for highlighting this and I hope we both feel well again soon. Xx

    1. Hi Sophie, that makes total sense to me! You are not the only one feeling this way. That’s the brilliant thing about sharing our stories! Thank you for writing a comment and also re-tweeting this post (I guess that was you?) – it means a lot to me that my writing is being shared. I hope you will feel better soon! With love from Stockholm ♥

  2. It brought tears to my eyes to read your story. It is heartbreaking to realize how devastating this disease is. I’m very lucky to have escaped it so far, my two boys and their families are all healthy as well. My husband passed away last year. In case you are wondering who I am, your mother’s father and my mother were brother and sister. Take care and best wishes for a healthy and happy life soon.

    1. Dear Cory, so you and my mum are nieces? How nice to hear from you, thank you for your comment and wishes! I wish you all the best as well ♥

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