♥ By now I gather that my usual crowd has grown so tired of me writing about having covid-19 that they can’t stand it anymore. I mean: who has the energy to keep on reading stories from a woman who never seems to get well? I really don’t blame anyone who feels this way. A part of me wants to stop writing about it and go back to writing about other stuff like I have been doing for the past 2,5 years on this blog. But then I realize (again) that there are also people out there who go through the same experience as me or who want to understand how it can feel, and who still like to read about someone else with long-term covid-19. So here goes, again.
This is me, on day 92.
I found a brilliant phrase to describe what my life looks like these days:
These words pretty much speak for themselves I guess? Let me tell you: if there was a prize for who is the best at radical resting, I would be well on my way to win it by now. For me it turns out that I need to be really careful with everything that requires energy from my body. I have been reading about it and understood that not only taking a walk or doing laundry takes energy, but also watching TV or talking to someone. Pretty logical when I think about it, but I had just never reflected on it like this!
So when I understood this, the question became: how to manage my energy? Because as soon as I use too much energy, I get hit by another wave of fatigue, my other symptoms worsen again and I end up (sometimes for days) like a blob on my couch. I found a great advice online and it said:
If you imagine doing something, then decide to do half of that.
In that way, I never use up all my energy and instead I can hopefully slowly build it back over time.
The other thing I have found really helpful is learning about the so-called spoon theory. It explains that you have a total of 15 spoons to use on a day. Get out of bed, call someone or get dressed equal 1 spoon each. Taking a shower or making dinner equals 2 spoons. Taking a walk or socializing equals 3 spoons. Grocery shopping or going to work equals 4 spoons. So the trick is to not do more things than whatever equals 15 spoons per day. Let me tell you, I’m still nowhere near 15 spoons per day. Going to work today would equal 324 spoons or something; way too many at least! But I really like this way of thinking.
Yes, I like this way of thinking. But at the same time, it also continues to make me incredibly sad at certain points in time. A part of me is still kicking pretty hard at my present reality. What the **** happened to my life?! It’s been 13 weeks now, I’m still not fully recovered, and no one can explain to me why. I know I’m not alone and that we are literally thousands of people all over the world who experience the same thing. Long-termers. Long-tailers. Long-haulers. We are starting to get names. That’s a good thing, I feel. Because we still have been way too invisible and this thing is real and extremely challenging, both physically and mentally.
So now I wonder how many spoons the writing of this blog post equals. What I notice is that it makes me feel good, as always. If there is just one person out there who reads this and finds it helpful, then that makes me really happy. So here it is, another part in what by now feels like my Corona Cronicles.
Back to Radical Resting.
With love ♥
Photo (I wish I had this view!): Dan McQuade – unsplash.com