I have noticed that it helps me to read and hear about other people’s covid-19 experiences. It gives me a feeling that we’re in it together and I’m not alone. In that spirit I hereby write some lines about my situation right now. Feel free to share.
Almost six weeks ago I started to feel symptoms that I suspected were connected to covid-19. Coughing, painful lungs, fever-feelings in my body (without having an actual fever) and tiredness. For about a week it did not get worse but did not get better either. Then came a terrible night when everything quickly worsened up to the point that I was seriously afraid I would die. After that night, slowly, slowly, I started to feel better and 1.5 weeks ago I declared myself healthy. What a relief! The only things that were left were a tiredness and a feeling of being a bit “stupid” in my head. Like it’s harder to think about more complex stuff or formulate a sentence. I worked again and started an online yin yoga practice. Feeling grateful every day for being able to breathe again.
Yesterday morning I woke up and my symptoms were back. This time I have such a fatigue that I can only sit up for short periods of time. Pain in my lungs again, and a bit more difficulty to breathe (however not nearly as bad as that night a couple of weeks ago). I called the national health service’s Corona-line and they sent me to the hospital. I now know what a Corona-tent looks like inside.
It turns out that I have post-viral symptoms which apparently is a thing you can get. It’s both frustrating and frightening at the same time. So now I rest. Again.
Covid-19 for me is as much a physical challenge as a mental one. I’ve not left my house (except for a ride to the hospital yesterday) for almost 6 weeks. Like so many people in other countries who are in lock-down. This does something to your psyche, at least for me. I’ve decided to label it “interesting” and keep on observing what’s going on inside me. There are so many feelings connected to this, as I’ve written before. Fear is a big one. But also gratitude.
Besides having a family and friends, I experience a deep gratitude for what we usually call “the little things in life”. A flower. A cup of tea. A book. A good TV series. I don’t feel the need to accomplish anything anymore – just being is enough. Being honest about what I’m feeling, daring to be vulnerable and speak/write/live my truth. I notice how I over-complicate and over-analyze a lot of things in my life and feel a deep desire to just drop that. Right now this is pretty simple because life is literally pushing me down to the ground and forcing me to be still. But I notice that I feel a shift inside me that I believe will last beyond these days. A shift that carries with it more silence. More stillness. And more being. With the so-called little things in life, which turn out to be not so little at all…
I leave you with a quote that was recently sent to me and that resonated with me. It says:
Happiness is to keep on longing for the things you already have.
With love to you all ♥
PS – an update: I notice a lot of people reading this text as well as my other posts about having covid-19 (thank you!). If it resonates with you, I’m very grateful if you want to share it in your circles too, so it can reach more people who are struggling right now. Thank you!
Photo: Andrew Small – unsplash.com