After seven weeks and five days my body is free from covid-19. I feel like I have woken up from a long dream in which my body was possessed by something alien. Finally, energy has returned and I feel myself again.
Having covid-19 has been a deep experience for me. I am touched by the fact that my writing about it has reached and affected so many people. This is exactly my wish for this blog!
In this spirit, I hereby want to share a list of things that have helped me and insights I have gained these past 54 days:
Things that helped me when I had covid-19
1. When I had difficulty breathing (which was the worst part), I focused on noticing all my feelings. Second by second, minute by minute. It might sound ridiculous/strange/unimportant to you but for me it had an amazing effect. So, whatever I felt (fear was a big one) I acknowledged that feeling for myself. I could literally say to myself in my head for example: Hello fear, there you are. But most importantly I did not push any feeling away. However difficult it was, I allowed every feeling to be there. I stayed with the feeling and examined it more closely like a scientist with a microscope until it replaced itself with another feeling. And then another one. The brilliant thing in doing this over and over again, for hours and hours on end, was that it became a deep meditation for me which greatly helped me to stay grounded in myself and not spin out of control into full-panic mode.
2. I accepted all my (weird) symptoms. Shivering under four blankets or feeling like I was wandering in the Sahara while the thermometer indicated 36.2 degrees? OK, it is what it is. Not being able to formulate a coherent sentence? OK, it is what it is. Coughing so much I thought my lungs would explode? OK, it is what it is. Being out of breath because I was sitting upright instead of lying down? OK, it is what it is. I did not put any energy into wishing I would not have these symptoms. Because the reality was that I had them, and I knew there was no cure.
3. I had contact with other people who also had covid-19. It helped me greatly in feeling that I was not the only one experiencing the effects of this virus.
4. I developed a routine. This routine made every day feel like Groundhog Day (for those of you not familiar with the expression: it’s a movie about a guy waking up and discovering that every day is exactly the same) but I believe it greatly benefitted my body. It involved among others: a daily intake of vitamin C, vitamin D, zinc, probiotics, omega-3 and manuka honey. Liters of tea and water. No alcohol whatsoever. Lots of sleep. Important! I do not believe for one second that doing this will keep anyone from becoming infected with covid-19 because the virus is just too powerful for that. However, to me it felt really good to give my body an optimal chance to fight it, which is why I followed this routine military-style for weeks on end.
5. I asked for help. For me this is not so easy but I realized I really needed it and so I gratefully accepted help from the people around me. My husband did everything in the household, my family and friends supported me by phone/text/cards and at the times I felt well enough, I attended online meditations and other gatherings that really helped me.
Insights I have gained from having covid-19
1. Facing my fear of dying is a necessary part of living my life to the fullest.
2. Cocooning into a space of not-knowing gives me internal peace in turbulent, fearful and uncertain times.
3. Just being is enough in life; being honest about what I’m feeling, daring to be vulnerable and speak/live/write my truth.
4. I want to write and work with people and I want to support myself financially doing this.
Having covid-19 has given me a different form of clarity about what it is I want with my life. After having written 80+ blog posts I now understand that writing about awareness and life is something I know how to do, and with my writing I have seen many times that I can affect other people’s lives. I would love to find a way to take a next step so writing can become part of my financial income as well. How? I have no earthly idea. So here I am, placing my wish out there in the Universe. Who knows, someone of you reading this might have an idea? Please let me know if you do! In the meantime, as always, I am grateful for any sharing or comment so this blog can reach even more people.
I am a certified Holistic Counselor with a practice in Stockholm and I’m currently educating myself to become a trauma therapist. If you, personally or professionally, feel that you need support in these times you are very welcome to contact me to book a session.
I will end with a beautiful quote I read by the poet Mascha Kaléko, and that summarizes my experience of having covid-19:
When the waves close over me,
I dive down to fish for pearls
Thank you for reading! ♥
PS – an update: I notice a lot of people reading this text as well as my other posts about having covid-19 (thank you!). If it resonates with you, I’m very grateful if you want to share it in your circles too, so it can reach more people who are struggling right now. Thank you!
Photo: Matthew Hume – unsplash.com