Stillness

Stillness

Current status: my lungs still give me trouble and tiredness stays connected to it. Some days are better, some days are worse. It’s been 11 months now, every day coming a day closer to the one year-mark. That feels weird, a whole year of symptoms caused by a virus that most people shake off in a couple of weeks. What is so different about my body compared to other people’s bodies? That question keeps on intriguing me. Anyway.

As part of my ongoing journey, I tried an alternative healing treatment this past week called Bioresonance. To be honest I don’t understand it 100% but some people in my circles swear by it as it apparently can help alleviate allergies, so I went and tried it out. It was an interesting experience! The cells in my body react to covid-19, it turned out (surprise, surprise). But my body also clearly indicated what it was lacking and what it would like me to avoid in my diet so I will give that a go and see if it will make a difference. The treatment started a reaction in my body, I can feel that quite clearly, but it’s too soon for me to report if this turns out to be the final piece of the puzzle that leads to full recovery. I will have some more treatments in the weeks to come, time will tell! I love testing stuff that is not related to steroids/medication…

Totally unexpectedly I also found myself crying during my yoga class last week. The teacher guided me into a pose which expanded my ribcage and lungs and from nowhere a flood of tears came. Apparently there still is grief and sadness present inside me. Yin yoga helps me bring everything to the surface and literally breathe through it and let it go. I love Yin yoga so much, it is such a resource for me.

Give everything space, that’s my motto these days. There is so much inside me and I don’t want to have any of it trapped inside my body. So every time I cry, every time I feel any emotion really, I am grateful. Grateful that it comes to the surface so I can give it awareness and thereby space. I have felt so frozen for such a long time. Not that I haven’t cried on and off for these past 11 months, believe me I have, but the ‘color’ of my tears has changed somehow. For a long time I have cried for myself and the desperation and fear I felt about my own situation. These days my tears also include other people. Thousands of people still dying alone in hospitals every day, that breaks my heart.

Also, more and more I find myself in stillness these days. I do not particularly enjoy talking a lot to other people; I am perfectly happy to just be in my own bubble at the moment, I have noticed. My being longs for and even craves stillness, that’s how I feel. Eckhart Tolle’s Instagram recently said:

Wisdom comes with the ability to be still.
Just look and just listen. No more is needed.
Being still, looking and listening activates the non-conceptual intelligence within you.
Let stillness direct your words and actions.

I don’t feel wise and I don’t know if stillness directs my actions but I do know that I spend a lot of time looking, listening and being still these days. The words on this blog certainly come from a space of stillness inside me, I can feel that clearly. It feels like my brain isn’t even involved in my writing, I just sit down and write whatever comes from deep within. This is my 110th blog post written like this, the 33rd of my Corona Chronicles, and it still feels like a magical process (however vulnerable and scary it also feels).

So here you have it again: a small piece of what’s going on inside me at the moment. It is my continued wish that my writing gives you something positive in your life! Recognition perhaps, if you also have Long Covid, to know that you’re not alone. Or perhaps some inspiration, who knows. To all of you reading these Corona Chronicles: I wish you health and stillness, and thank you for reading!

With love ♥

Photo: Ravi Pinisetti – unsplash.com

This writing is part of what I call my Corona Chronicles. On this page you can find an overview of my stories since March 2020.


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